My be(a)stie is a feminist bitch
That is not a rude thing to say. She is, in fact a bitch. And, being 90% blue cattle dog, she is also a blue. And being unaffected by competition or domination from other (male) dogs, she is a free and happy female. This makes her a bluestocking, even though stockings and socks are more likely to be buried in the garden by her than worn with pride.
I have always sat on the fence with regard to those books that start out with the premise, ‘Everything I learned in life I learned from my dog/cat/ferret’, but as I was walking alongside her this afternoon, chillin’ out and watching her sniff, I realised what a great example of young womanhood she is.
Qualities as a feminist
1. She farts freely and unapologetically.
2. She doesn’t care what she looks like
3. She is a career girl – every now and then she gives a good ‘Woof’ at someone walking past our house, then comes back to the back door, wagging her (stumpy) tail as if to say, “Just reporting – a small fluffy thing walked past so I told it to stay away, and I did a really good job”. Part of the career girl thing, I admit, was chosen for her, but I can assure you I was liberating her rather than oppressing her when we got her spayed.
4. She’s up for anything, regardless of how ridiculous it might look. This includes jumping high to catch balls, throwing herself in stinky creeks, eating raw (quite manky) casserole meat, licking herself freely and frequently in the privates.
5. She stands tall and proud in public, even if another dog walks past yapping, snarling the dog equivalent of “your mother was a whore”.
6. She asks for what she wants, using her paws, her nose, her shoulders, her voice, her besotted brown eyes. And she often gets it.
Qualities as a best friend
1. Total loyalty, including lying in whatever room I am in, at all times if at all possible. Some people might say that was not so much loyalty as stalking, and I often felt that way with my previous dog, Robbie, who was a staffy, but not with Gracie.
2. Sympathetic companion – when I’m sad, she follows me more closely, offering her company. When I’m happy, she follows me more closely, asking for a game. Rest of the time, just follows me around regardless of what kind of boring day I’m having.
3. Forgives me all the time for forgetting to take her for walks etc.